Twitter and blogs

I really wish there could be a thing like a blog combined with twitter. Blogs and twitter are like, opposite things and if you combined them you'd get epicness. Twitter with its character limit, it's like, for short random thoughts, like small epiphanies and interesting tidbits. And then a blog is like large ranting thing for elaborate thought webs and stuff. I mean technically I could write like, one sentence blog posts but that's lame. That's like wasting the awesomeness potential of a blog. Plus the actual long, ranting good elaborate posts would get buried by the short random ones. I could also just use my blog and twitter separately but no one uses twitter and it would be so much easier to just combine the two onto one website. but still have the posts and the tweets separated so the posts wouldnt get buried by the tweets. Having a blog and having a twitter are both so awesome I don't know why more people don't get them. No, everyone has like Facebook and G+. The mainstreamish platforms, like a shared ground for everyone to share stuff but everything gets buried by everything and there are people competing for likes and stuff and there's nothing good like the things you'd find on blogs. Like, halfway between a twitter and a blog, the worst of both worlds. For me, at least. The advantage for most people is that it's better for socializing with the reshare thing and the comments system and there are no limits on what you can post, whereas on twitter you only share short things and on a blog everything you share gets shared publicly and it's like your own website and other people are looking at it as opposed to just your post on a shared ground. With a blog you have an opportunity to customize it and make it your own. That's especially appealing to me. Like, I can put whatever I want on it because it's my blog. It's not going to appear in other peoples streams or notifications or something. Well except right now its automatically set to post to G+ when I post something and I'm not going to lie, I like that people can see my blog. It's like I can feel like I'm actually contributing stuff. But really the main purpose of my blog I feel like is to archive important things that I don't want to lose forever. Literally all the posts so far have been results of me ranting to someone on Hangouts and then going like "This is good stuff, I must save it" so I write it. Anyways G+ and Facebook aren't for me. Twitter though. I originally got it with the intent of seeing what the heck Vi was up to because of the lack of videos. However I quickly found that I really like the format of Twitter. It's simple and instead of liking or +1'ing you have favorites but the thing is that it saves all of your favorites so you can go back and look at them. Retweets work pretty much the same way, but like instead of having comments you have like reply tweets? I don't even understand how it works but it's cool that you have a character limit. There's so much you can do with a platform like this, and yet half the tweets I see are links to other pages. Like wow. Guys. You are taking something beautiful and ingenious and you are killing it. You are murdering it. You are massacring it. But really it's not anybody's fault. Twitter is a fascinating thing and I'm sure that there are people out there who use it how it's intended but here in Plano no one seems to use Twitter. I'd like to use Twitter, at least it seems better to me than G+, but no one is there so I couldn't really use it even if I wanted to. It's not the type of thing that suits everyone, so the people who actually use it are doomed to never have any sort of audience ever. Unless you're famous like John Green. Then everyone actually wants to see your tweets. Otherwise your tweets just get buried by everyone else's tweets and no one will ever see your tweets unless they're specifically searching for them and no one does that. Twitter is such a wonderful concept but from where I see it, it's nowhere near its full potential. It would be so much awesome if a twitter-like thing could be incorporated into my blog. There people could see it and it would be on my blog, happy and safe from being buried by all the other tweets. Safe and protected, on its own website instead of being a part of a larger platform. Wouldn't that be nice?

Oh hey look there's a twitter gadget! Says I after a long time of messing around with blogger. How perfect! Now I can get what I wanted!! Hooray!!
*15 minutes later*
NOW HOW DO YOU GET THIS FREAKING GADGET TO FUNCTION CORRECTLY

Humans are Highly Trained in the Art of Ignoring Things

Humans are highly trained in the art of ignoring things.
Ignoring things is a form of self protection
Because if you open yourself up to everything, you'll die
You'll literally die
With all of the problems of the world rushing at you

The people who just safely keep ignoring things blissfully and ignorantly
They have relatively safe and comfortable lives
They bar themselves in from all the things that can hurt them

Ignorance and apathy is a shield, built into people by default
But there are some people who just stop ignoring
Some people who just, their default, built-in emotional shield of ignorance broke.
And suddenly everything breaks through and connects with their souls
These people become so opened up
They become so sensitive
They acutely sense and feel everything and everyone
These are the people most in touch with beauty.

And the overwhelming feeling, the beauty, the awe, the vastness, the freedom
But also the sadness, the pain, the loss, the hurt
And it's swirling and confusing and evoking

And then you wonder how you're going to keep on living like that
Because the beauty, it hurts
It's too intense
It's too much
And then you try to capture it, but you can only for a moment if at all
It escapes, to be replaced by more

You know that things will never be the same
To back when you had a shield
Things just seemed so much simpler then
No, now you're exposed and you can see and feel, really feel
Sometimes you just wish you never had to deal with it all
But deep inside you know that it's better this way
Because now you can see the truth
You can feel the truth
The truth hurts

The Problem with Stereotypes

Right now I am pretty pissed on behalf of my good friend Annie. 

So you know that blog post from Saturday? Annie read it, and we started talking about it. 

We started talking about gender stereotypes, and how people are expected to fit gender stereotypes, and how that type of stereotyping absolutely sucks for people who just don't fit. I don't know anyone who would know this better than Annie; she's the most tomboyish girl I've ever known. She hangs out with the guys and she consumes a vast quantity of what people might consider guy books (and she's a really fast reader, too. She can finish a trilogy in like two days.) and does martial arts and practices throwing knives in her spare time. (What an odd duo we make-- she throws knives in her spare time and I read art history in my spare time. Most beautiful combo.) She out-guys the guys. I've actually been pretty jealous of her life in the past-- she's always been a tomboy. She has so much more fun than I do. She's got such freedom! I wish I could live like that. When I was very young I did. But as time passed and I got more girl friends as well as guy friends, I started to stay away from the boys because I was afraid, of being judged and being left behind by my girl friends. At first it really sucked but I got used to it, and I loved my girl friends very much. We were a crazy bunch, and we weren't stereotypical girls but not exactly tomboys either. We did more boy stuff but with a more girl-type group dynamic. Then middle school happened, and I saw all of my friends less often, so I had to make new friends. Sixth grade I had Annie in all of my periods so I didn't really try to find any new friends, but then seventh grade, ugh. Obviously I first tried to make friends with girls but it just didn't work. It sucked. The girls I met in middle school were nothing like my friends from elementary. I just couldn't do it... but I was still afraid to make friends with the boys after being away from them for so long. What if they wouldn't accept me? I basically spent the year alone, with a few of those friends that you only have in one or two class periods. It's not exactly like I disliked being alone. I'm naturally introverted so a bit of silence doesn't bother me, and I like having space to think by myself. I talked to both sexes so it's not like I was one of those hermit people either. However not having any close friends really sucks. 

I really was envious of Annie. How awesome her life must be, not having to worry about what people think of her, I thought. BAH, I HAVE RARELY BEEN MORE WRONG IN MY LIFE. I know now that the stereotypes of typical girls are obstacles that Annie has to deal with every day, and it angers me that this should even be a problem. 

I feel like crap for being friends with Annie for so long and never truly understanding the extent of the struggles she has. "Why do people simply stereotype gender roles into these specific categories that have no meaning except they separate the apparently normal from the apparently not?" she said, bitter and frustrated. "Even at church people try to be accepting, but there's this huge gap. They can't relate with me and I can see them giving me glances when I talk even with the boys or act "un-girl-like" in any type of way."
"Annie, I think it's not that people judge you, it's just that people see you as different. And that's not a bad thing," I said, just not getting it. Following, we had a mini-debate. My own experiences greatly differed from hers in the fact that I eventually learned to become friends with other girls and be able to see things the way they see it, but Annie never did. "I hated girls and girls hated me last year," She said. "I can stand them now but I still half-hate them." 
"Girls are just different," I tried to explain. "I didn't get girls last year, but now I can. Girls make very good friends. They're much better with emotions and stuff. They sympathize more. Guys are just so awkward and they're like incapable of sharing their feelings or something." It's true. Forcing myself to make friends with girls opened my eyes to how caring and open and understanding girls can be. That's something I never really had with my guy friends, with exceptions. Of course, throughout this entire conversation we are speaking extremely extremely generally, because in reality people can't be fit into categories like that at all.
"Emotion stuff! Who needs emotion stuff. Whack a knife or a sword at a tree, that's all it takes. Maybe have a little fight with Zach or someone, that's all it takes me." Said she. 
I was skeptical. "Annie, emotions are important." I gently stressed. 
"Yeah they're important, it doesn't mean that you should like freak out over them."
Referring to girls. 
And subsequently me.
Heh. 

Also our friend MK was also there. He's a boy. This is where he comments that "Uhh, both of you are crazy." 
And also turtles. 
Thus proving my point. 

"Well I just mean that you shouldn't judge girls just because they're girls. They're amazingly nice people when you get to know them." I said, trying to get her to understand. 
"And then have them reject you?"
"Annie, they don't reject you, you reject them! You don't give them a chance!"
"Yeah, I tried to be like them and be friends, and the next thing you know they're calling me stupid for hanging out with boys and shipping me with them. After a while they just ignore me. I've been there plenty of times. There's no point. Plus, I can't stand the gossiping stuff going being peoples' backs like that. It disgusts me."

(This is where MK unhelpfully adds, "#zannie")

"You shouldn't judge people like that. It's not like people are out to get you because you're different."

(Mk: *puts down pitchfork* wait we aren't?)

"I never hated the person, I hated the interaction. The urge to run when someone said hi. That was terrifying. And I know they're not out to get me, but they always managing it. I've heard several things between people. They say that I'm actually a boy. They say that well I you know, do certain things with boys. Urgh. I've heard them." She said with disgust. "And you know how [name omitted] used to be nice, she kinda gossips really badly and ships people and insults people behind their backs with [name omitted] at our table every day. It's horrible." I countered by listing several girls that I consider, like, paragons of virtue. Apparently, she doesn't know any of them well except one. Then we started listing people we consider nice. After a while, Annie had to leave, and we ended the conversation. 

The conversation left me with a strange feeling. I still genuinely believe that most girls are great people, just in a different way from boys is all. But I now see why Annie has such a crappy time with them. Heck, the reason she hates girls is the very same reason that I was afraid to make friends with boys. Anyways, there are always those few people who are such crappy people and sometimes they manage to really screw Annie's life up. I must say that I've never really experienced bullying, so I may not exactly know what I'm talking about. However I can see that Annie is genuinely hurt and her experiences have lead her to have bitterness towards girls in general. Even people in general. I've witnessed her go from mild social discomfort to flat-out social anxiety. Constantly living feeling like people are judging you every moment is terrible and scary and crippling. No one should have to live that way. The most infuriating part is that Annie has to deal with all this crap simply for choosing to live in an unconventional way. We live in a society that as a whole, claims to be universally accepting and diverse, but really, the odd people out, people like Annie, have an extremely hard time interacting with everyone else. I've been there before. What a crap society. Come on! We can do better. Why is it that people are expected to be a certain way? I know it's not like people shun and hate different people but it's the mere fact that people even think of them as weird or unusual that people like Annie can't be normal. Everyone's unique, so why is it that when you're different in a certain way that suddenly you're not normal. So you prefer cake over pie. (although why, I will never understand.) Fine, that's forgivable. You prefer hanging out with boys over girls? What a strange person you are, people think. That's what's wrong here! We as a society need to stop thinking this way! It's stupid and gah, I'm so freaking angry! Stereotypes suck! Stereotypes are the reasons for much suffering! Heck, it's not just Annie! Look at some other people I know! People who try to hide themselves! People who just accept it as a part of life and keep on being miserable! People who build themselves so much into something they're not, I don't even know what's real anymore! People who never open their mouths to speak what they think because they know the sucky truth, that most of everyone won't understand and won't care and won't listen and won't accept! We're fortunate that we go to a school that has an extremely diverse population (personality-wise, by race not so much) and we're a relatively accepting school because there is a large cast of odd characters. Still though, there are people like Annie on the extreme ends of different. Why?!? Why do we do this to them?!?!? Why do we do this to ourselves?!?! Freaking idiot world. As a creative person who values independent thinking and diversity, who has quite a few eccentricities herself, this pisses me off so much. 

Come on, world!! DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS!!

"Miss"understood

Happy Pi day everyone. I literally just made this blog so that I could make this post because I felt like it was actually something important enough! Look at me I'm contributing to the internet!

So anyways, I saw this video

Yeah thanks Vi, your twitter brings me so many interesting things to think about. Well, watching this video made me start questioning myself, once again. Laci says, women are thought of as hysterical, irrational, crazy, and emotional. I'd already noticed that; they are hysterical crazy irrational and emotional. Laci brings up the fact that these qualities of women make them harder to trust as they're always overreacting. Truth is I've already been thinking about this for a while, though in the context of my own life and not all of society. It's so sad that it's true.
Even I myself, a teenage girl, tend to trust guys more than girls. I've had my crises, the "OMG IM FREAKING OUT AND NO ONE CARES" and I go rant things at people like (or spam people with messages of) "OMGOMG"s and "AWREHJGTRSEKAREHRAKAERHYKSTHJTRSJ" and "AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH" and "I'M GOING TO DIE WHAT AM I GOING TO DO I CAN'T KEEP PROCRASTINATING AND DEPRIVING MYSELF OF SLEEP LIKE THIS" and "|********" and et cetera. Sometimes it just really feels like my life problems are going to eat me alive and I just want someone to listen to me rant and care. Words sometimes don't seem to be enough when I'm overjoyed at something or deeply moved by some awesome art or something.
Sometimes I try to express it with art, but most of the time it just results in me freaking out for a long time and spamming people with messages about how pretty this painting of waterlilies is. Because I want them to know, I want to share my feelings, I want them to feel with me, and maybe the number of letters in this string of random letters will convey the intensity of my emotion. Because right now this painting is the most beautiful freaking thing in the whole universe and it's worth crying over.

Just look at it! It's perfection!!! 

Well anyways, it's ironic because I emote so much in an attempt to get people to understand and sympathize and to BREAK THE WALLS OF SEPARATE HUMAN CONSCIOUSNESS that people listen to what I'm saying less. It's like, the meaning behind my words gets... diluted, somehow. Like, I spend so much time talking and freaking out about small things like what color the stupid dress is, that when I actually want to say something important, some deep philosophy I want to share, I feel like its meaning is less... meaningful. 

And I know it's not just me. Laci points out that women in particular tend to be more crazy with expressing their emotions. Why, though? Do women feel more intensely? Are they more sensitive? Or is it that they feel more of a need to express and be understood? What's the real difference here between the genders, and why? Maybe women just have a rougher time, especially during the teenage years that I'm currently going through, and they need to talk about their emotions as a way of getting them in order. I imagine it like this cycle: 

                                                   people trust less/

                  --------------→     pay less attention  --------------

               |                                    to them                                          |

                                                                                                              ↓

women are more                                                                   women try harder 

       hysterical                                                                         to communicate

               ↑                                                                                           |

                    -----------------------------------------------------

Forgive the crappy quality. 

Anyways the cycle makes sense to me. So then what sets that cycle into motion? The root cause must either be at "women are more hysterical" than men by nature, or "people trust them less/pay less attention." It makes sense that this would happen. Women have for most of history never had voices. They've been treated like property in the past. They had to work much harder than men to make themselves heard, they're more, uh, vocal, because they aren't listened to. Obviously things are changed now, but the cycle remains there. That kinda sucks. I don't know, it's my own theory, but it makes enough sense for me. 

So one cause is that women were historically given less power. But that doesn't prove women to not be naturally more hysterical than men. Maybe it's both reasons, fueling each other. 

I used to be a really quiet girl. I didn't like talking and I usually kept things to myself, but only because I felt no one listened. In middle school my close group of friends was broken so I was forced to talk to new people. That's when I began getting louder, I began talking more. It probably has a lot to do with becoming a teenager. Emotions get scary real then. I've always felt the desire to be heard and truly understood, but I didn't have the courage before that. Now I'm so loud and annoying I honestly have no idea how my friends put up with me. And I'm noticing it. I see clearly that my over-dramatic reactions to everything are not helping me communicate. It's like increasing the volume of everything until you get to that point that everything sounds the same volume and the important things get lost in the large amount of other trivial matters. I'm trying to pull back and reserve my speech. I disabled my social media account, resetting everything and then getting my account back and now I only have like 8 people in my circles. Social isolation. I tried. It's not easy. Now that I'm in the habit of sharing every little thing, it's hard to stop. 

Trying to communicate more effectively by being louder and more enthusiastic and emotional is counterproductive. Being too quiet isn't great either, I've been there too. Well, it's not like I exactly disliked being quiet. It was easier in a lot of ways. But it's not so nice to the people who care. And in any case the need to feel understood still exists. There's a delicate balance between talking and not talking, between trivial small talk vs world-changing philosophical discussions, and between blunt honestly and politeness, in order for optimal communication. 

In the meantime, please keep in mind not to dismiss others' words and feelings-- just because they're women or they over-exaggerate everything, or they always seem to want attention, or they often lie, or they talk a certain way that just rubs you the wrong way, or maybe they don't talk at all because they're shy-- because really, we all just want the same thing, to know that people out there genuinely care and believe and understand what we're going through, what we're thinking. The different ways people try to go about achieving this don't always work. That perfect delicate balance is hard to find. Usually people end up talking way too much trying to get people to listen, or way too little out of fear or feeling of not being wanted. It's nobody's fault that communication is hard. The least you can do is try to pay attention to other people more. Try to understand. Try to look at the world from another person's perspective. After all, when it comes to the important things, we're not all so different. 

(I like how this entire post had like nothing to do with the original video.)

(Now I'm going to hope that the fact that I'm a female and a teenager doesn't somehow ruin the credibility of this post.)