The Problem with Stereotypes

Right now I am pretty pissed on behalf of my good friend Annie. 

So you know that blog post from Saturday? Annie read it, and we started talking about it. 

We started talking about gender stereotypes, and how people are expected to fit gender stereotypes, and how that type of stereotyping absolutely sucks for people who just don't fit. I don't know anyone who would know this better than Annie; she's the most tomboyish girl I've ever known. She hangs out with the guys and she consumes a vast quantity of what people might consider guy books (and she's a really fast reader, too. She can finish a trilogy in like two days.) and does martial arts and practices throwing knives in her spare time. (What an odd duo we make-- she throws knives in her spare time and I read art history in my spare time. Most beautiful combo.) She out-guys the guys. I've actually been pretty jealous of her life in the past-- she's always been a tomboy. She has so much more fun than I do. She's got such freedom! I wish I could live like that. When I was very young I did. But as time passed and I got more girl friends as well as guy friends, I started to stay away from the boys because I was afraid, of being judged and being left behind by my girl friends. At first it really sucked but I got used to it, and I loved my girl friends very much. We were a crazy bunch, and we weren't stereotypical girls but not exactly tomboys either. We did more boy stuff but with a more girl-type group dynamic. Then middle school happened, and I saw all of my friends less often, so I had to make new friends. Sixth grade I had Annie in all of my periods so I didn't really try to find any new friends, but then seventh grade, ugh. Obviously I first tried to make friends with girls but it just didn't work. It sucked. The girls I met in middle school were nothing like my friends from elementary. I just couldn't do it... but I was still afraid to make friends with the boys after being away from them for so long. What if they wouldn't accept me? I basically spent the year alone, with a few of those friends that you only have in one or two class periods. It's not exactly like I disliked being alone. I'm naturally introverted so a bit of silence doesn't bother me, and I like having space to think by myself. I talked to both sexes so it's not like I was one of those hermit people either. However not having any close friends really sucks. 

I really was envious of Annie. How awesome her life must be, not having to worry about what people think of her, I thought. BAH, I HAVE RARELY BEEN MORE WRONG IN MY LIFE. I know now that the stereotypes of typical girls are obstacles that Annie has to deal with every day, and it angers me that this should even be a problem. 

I feel like crap for being friends with Annie for so long and never truly understanding the extent of the struggles she has. "Why do people simply stereotype gender roles into these specific categories that have no meaning except they separate the apparently normal from the apparently not?" she said, bitter and frustrated. "Even at church people try to be accepting, but there's this huge gap. They can't relate with me and I can see them giving me glances when I talk even with the boys or act "un-girl-like" in any type of way."
"Annie, I think it's not that people judge you, it's just that people see you as different. And that's not a bad thing," I said, just not getting it. Following, we had a mini-debate. My own experiences greatly differed from hers in the fact that I eventually learned to become friends with other girls and be able to see things the way they see it, but Annie never did. "I hated girls and girls hated me last year," She said. "I can stand them now but I still half-hate them." 
"Girls are just different," I tried to explain. "I didn't get girls last year, but now I can. Girls make very good friends. They're much better with emotions and stuff. They sympathize more. Guys are just so awkward and they're like incapable of sharing their feelings or something." It's true. Forcing myself to make friends with girls opened my eyes to how caring and open and understanding girls can be. That's something I never really had with my guy friends, with exceptions. Of course, throughout this entire conversation we are speaking extremely extremely generally, because in reality people can't be fit into categories like that at all.
"Emotion stuff! Who needs emotion stuff. Whack a knife or a sword at a tree, that's all it takes. Maybe have a little fight with Zach or someone, that's all it takes me." Said she. 
I was skeptical. "Annie, emotions are important." I gently stressed. 
"Yeah they're important, it doesn't mean that you should like freak out over them."
Referring to girls. 
And subsequently me.
Heh. 

Also our friend MK was also there. He's a boy. This is where he comments that "Uhh, both of you are crazy." 
And also turtles. 
Thus proving my point. 

"Well I just mean that you shouldn't judge girls just because they're girls. They're amazingly nice people when you get to know them." I said, trying to get her to understand. 
"And then have them reject you?"
"Annie, they don't reject you, you reject them! You don't give them a chance!"
"Yeah, I tried to be like them and be friends, and the next thing you know they're calling me stupid for hanging out with boys and shipping me with them. After a while they just ignore me. I've been there plenty of times. There's no point. Plus, I can't stand the gossiping stuff going being peoples' backs like that. It disgusts me."

(This is where MK unhelpfully adds, "#zannie")

"You shouldn't judge people like that. It's not like people are out to get you because you're different."

(Mk: *puts down pitchfork* wait we aren't?)

"I never hated the person, I hated the interaction. The urge to run when someone said hi. That was terrifying. And I know they're not out to get me, but they always managing it. I've heard several things between people. They say that I'm actually a boy. They say that well I you know, do certain things with boys. Urgh. I've heard them." She said with disgust. "And you know how [name omitted] used to be nice, she kinda gossips really badly and ships people and insults people behind their backs with [name omitted] at our table every day. It's horrible." I countered by listing several girls that I consider, like, paragons of virtue. Apparently, she doesn't know any of them well except one. Then we started listing people we consider nice. After a while, Annie had to leave, and we ended the conversation. 

The conversation left me with a strange feeling. I still genuinely believe that most girls are great people, just in a different way from boys is all. But I now see why Annie has such a crappy time with them. Heck, the reason she hates girls is the very same reason that I was afraid to make friends with boys. Anyways, there are always those few people who are such crappy people and sometimes they manage to really screw Annie's life up. I must say that I've never really experienced bullying, so I may not exactly know what I'm talking about. However I can see that Annie is genuinely hurt and her experiences have lead her to have bitterness towards girls in general. Even people in general. I've witnessed her go from mild social discomfort to flat-out social anxiety. Constantly living feeling like people are judging you every moment is terrible and scary and crippling. No one should have to live that way. The most infuriating part is that Annie has to deal with all this crap simply for choosing to live in an unconventional way. We live in a society that as a whole, claims to be universally accepting and diverse, but really, the odd people out, people like Annie, have an extremely hard time interacting with everyone else. I've been there before. What a crap society. Come on! We can do better. Why is it that people are expected to be a certain way? I know it's not like people shun and hate different people but it's the mere fact that people even think of them as weird or unusual that people like Annie can't be normal. Everyone's unique, so why is it that when you're different in a certain way that suddenly you're not normal. So you prefer cake over pie. (although why, I will never understand.) Fine, that's forgivable. You prefer hanging out with boys over girls? What a strange person you are, people think. That's what's wrong here! We as a society need to stop thinking this way! It's stupid and gah, I'm so freaking angry! Stereotypes suck! Stereotypes are the reasons for much suffering! Heck, it's not just Annie! Look at some other people I know! People who try to hide themselves! People who just accept it as a part of life and keep on being miserable! People who build themselves so much into something they're not, I don't even know what's real anymore! People who never open their mouths to speak what they think because they know the sucky truth, that most of everyone won't understand and won't care and won't listen and won't accept! We're fortunate that we go to a school that has an extremely diverse population (personality-wise, by race not so much) and we're a relatively accepting school because there is a large cast of odd characters. Still though, there are people like Annie on the extreme ends of different. Why?!? Why do we do this to them?!?!? Why do we do this to ourselves?!?! Freaking idiot world. As a creative person who values independent thinking and diversity, who has quite a few eccentricities herself, this pisses me off so much. 

Come on, world!! DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS!!